Here's
a simple list to get started:
1. Remember: You're Always Communicating. In fact, it's impossible to not communicate. Whether or not you're speaking, you're always giving off non-verbal messages to the people around you. Many people suggest that non-verbal communication makes up more than 90% of the effect we have on other people. Our words communicate less than 10% of the meaning people take away. Take stock of yourself right now. What is your facial expression saying? What is your body and posture telling other people? What can you change to make that message more positive? How can you use your awareness of your non-verbal communication to have a more powerfully positive impact on the people around you?
2. Learn to listen: Stop talking, remove distractions, and put
your focus on the person talking to you. Instead of waiting for your turn to
speak or comment on what's being said, allow yourself to really listen – and
allow the other person to be heard.
3. Match & mirror: People like what they are like. In
other words, people find it easier to connect with someone who is like them.
So, if you want to establish a positive connection with someone, match them.
Sit or stand like they do. Match their volume and pace. Incorporate some
of the words they use into your statements. This simple technique – when
applied with subtlety and respect – shows people that you're interested in
them, without their being consciously aware of it.
4. Kick 'but': The traditional approach to providing
feedback is usually about pointing out strengths and then identifying
areas for improvement. Most people do this by saying "You did
X, Y & Z really well, BUT . . ." And we all know what happens
after the BUT. We forget everything that came before, and all
of our attention goes to the critical feedback. Practice providing
day-to-day encouragement that recognises what people are doing
well – and identifying the action you'd like them to add. "You
did X, Y & Z really well. You'll make that even better by
. . ."
5. Take responsibility: It's easy to blame problems
or difficult decisions on higher-ups. Many people avoid responsibility
for a situation with phrases like, "I know it's idiotic, but
headquarters is insisting on this policy," or "we know the right
approach, but the bosses are making us do it this way." While
that might make you seem like 'one of the gang,' it only undermines
your status as a leader. Instead, when communicating an unpopular
policy, be willing to stand up for it. If you really can't abide
it, then you have to ask yourself why you're working there. Recognise
the validity of other points of view while encouraging support
for the idea.
Practice using these techniques, and assess your results. You will find a positive
difference. The thing about the little things is that in a pretty short period
of time, they add up to something big.
